Bucket Lists

As I did my bi monthly shot of b12 last night I started to think.. I hate doing this what if I just stopped?? Which is a silly question cause if I stopped my shots I'd stop, I would literally not function. It's in essence my life's blood, well that and a slew of other meds that I take which sucks cause an average 28 year old don't take half what I do. It also caused me to flash bsck to the summer I turned 21 knowing something just wasn't quiet right health wise but not knowing what.. After tons of blood work I became a statstic because it's rare that young adults develope pernicious anemia.. I was given this option and that option but regardless I would have to take b12 for the rest of my life.. What majorly woke me up was my dr actually said I do not even know how you are walking on your own power or how you have managed to not be in the hospital.. The answers given by both my mother and my best friend who had been with me every step of the way were almost identical.. Will power. At this point i started going wow I was borderline barely getting to really experience life .

*back from flash back * 

As I was cleanin up from the shot and all I got to thinking what if I had not had that will power all the things that I've dreamed of or wanted to do coulda never  happened granted even now some probably won't but that's because reality is we all have a few un realistic dreams .. That said our dreams our hopes our bucket lists are in away like my shots part of our life's blood ... They keep us on point on our paths marching to our little drums.  I learned a hard lesson this year when I lost my first true big brother, I have often wondered if he had a bucket list but then I laugh and go "hell naw he just did what he wanted no questions asked balls to the wall and take the aftermath later" I envy him in a way ...but then again doing what he wanted was always his number one on his list. 

8 years ago when I learned of my b12 thing I'll admit I did start thinkin of a small list some things have since been marked off.. Either from completion or from realization that that might not be the brightest idea to have on a list and I add stuff randomly . I'm to a point that id like to share some of them. (Gets out notebook that no one knows where it is but me [ ] will be used to indicate done or additionss to)

1. Live long and prosper ( I'll admit I'm a closet Trekkie but this was done before I was ) 

2. Visit Europe [ I've done twice]

3. Find my "prince" [thought I did once still looking ]

4. Learn more about where I come from [learned more recently but not a lot]

5. Overcome my huge fear of heights

6. Write a book 

7. Marry my "prince" or least always have them in my life.. In today's world marriage isn't always everything 

8. Be a mother 

9. Be in two places at once [ was on had Scotland England borders ]

10. Study many different religions [ while at south I got the chance to but want to study more]

11. Learn to play guitar [ kinda realized this might be one of those dreams that won't be]

12. Learn to drive a standard 

13. Also learn to back up a vehicle when a trailer is attached 

14. Be happy with myself [getting there]

15. Travel the world [ I have but not enough giggles] 

16. Taste the world as I travel [ same as 15]

There are more of course and a few I have skipped for personal reasons.. So far though I've done decent..  And there were some that probably woulda been on the list had I made it in highschool for example: take a cruise, spend the night under the stars, see the Statue of Liberty .. By the time I was 21 I had done those and more in retrospect I was pretty lucky growing up.

Despite the fact that some think bucket lists are crazy, I ultimately think reasonable bucket lists aren't always bad.. As stated earlier they allow us to never forget hopes and dreams.. They also give us a inner fight and desire to actually do them granted I serously don't think I'll ever over come my fear of heights but who knows I might. Humans need that desire to do the impossible to be the ones to break down barriers and walls.. My challenge to all of you and also my hope is that no one gives up ever on their own bucket lists that everyone gets a chance to complete some ammend others and add new ones.. Besides what is anyone or anything with out our ability to fight and make things happen. 

I also have a new one to add .. Never give up on myself or my dreams :) 

** Le **